I’m looking through you
Where did you go?
I thought I knew you
What did I know?
You don’t look different, but you have changed
I’m looking through you
You’re not the same.
~ Lennon & McCartney
This song runs through my head occasionally, along with the reminder that if I don’t like something about another person, the need to change lies within me. It matters not what another says, who they are, what they represent. The closer in proximity, the tighter the relationship, the stronger the message and/or the reflection.
I’m looking through another person when I expect them to give me something only I can provide for myself. I’m not truly seeing them, only my desire for whatever it is I want met, and now. And I’m not honoring this unique individual and their equally challenging life, nor empathizing with their own complex inner turmoil or even acknowledging a possible attempt at providing what it is I’m looking for. Lost in my own illusion, I’m spiraling into the orbit of my own personal galaxy. Not only am I miserable, I am contributing to the misery of another.
You’re thinking of me the same old way
You were above me, but not today
The only difference is you’re down there
I’m looking through you,
And you’re nowhere.
How humans wish for another to be that image of perfection toward which we strive, for whom we sacrifice so very much! If only they would cooperate as our ideal, life could be smooth, even sublime. This illusion is fostered through, among other things, romanticism spoon-fed us by the media. And the consequence of attempting to maintain a fantasy is perpetual disappointment. If we want real love and/or enduring relationship, we need only discover our own fundamental loving nature. From that wellspring of caring, we sow seeds that pop up like wildflowers in fields of enduring reflection.
Life stretches onward with challenges, that being its nature. Yet contentment grows, despite obstacles, as we discover a deeper peace than we believed possible when accepting responsibility for our own value. Instead of frustration and time wasted in futile efforts to bend another’s will, we discover the grace inherent in letting another person truly be, flowering into and unto themselves. And we discover, deep within, an innate joy in granting this gift, to and from our own authentic beloved selves.